in loco parentis- now for the flop side

i thought i knew my latin but realised that only now have i really deciphered the meaning of this term. with due apologies 2 udaya, i would like to state that this term means that all parents ( including yrs truly) are loco ( none more so and getting locoer by the minute) .i think it comes with the territory-parenting is not taught at any univ/college, we all tumble headlong into it without preparation and r alt terrified/ecstatic by its responsibilities and its joys. add 2 it in true- blue indianfashion, our gen has had 2 look after our parents full time, shravan kumar style- 4 those not familiar with this epitome of filial duty and virtue, i suggest brushing up on the epics.
my first strong impression of parenting was from the time visited my mat grdparents in cal. posted in andamans at a time when communication was not the easy thing of mobiles/ phones or internet, we relied on our holidays to really connect. our annual holiday 2 cal (kol) always ended on a high note- a terful and bawling 1, when "the waterworks" were turned on both by mom and aji as they hugged, bawled and generally made a noise at the airport while we children squirmed.
but while my aji was a tender- hearted person, my mom though lacrimose, decide on a contrary form of parenting- a more corporeal one with a strong tendency the " spare the rod and spoil the child" dictum. so the rod was used freely and hopefully fractitious children were truly well disciplined.this held true for my maasis as well who went further and kicked abt their young 1s /2s quite freely much in the manner of Man U at a practice session.
so we thought this form of parenting was the golden norm till we grew up and in stepped dr spock and all those american child psychologists - just in time when we bcame parents. these worthies admonished us and ruled strictly against the rod ( ban all birches). we were "freinds" 2 our progeny, dealing with evening colic, temper tantrums and toothpaste strewn all over our clothes ( how does this gooey stuff work on clothes anyway?) , not with a resounding smack but with forbearance, stoicism and patience.
now middle age beckons ( though the golden haze is still 2 yrs away) and am dealing with 2 sets of elderly parents. i grow older ( not much wiser though) and probably less tolerant and am exasperated, amused, horrified, driven up the wall , in a murderous rage by the increasingly erratic behaviour of our double blessings ( 2 sets ) decreasing physical abilities makes them cross. we deal with their aches and pains, their complaint that they r on their last legs(literally but often imaginary) though the doctor in me panics and gets a battery of tests done anyways and of course the occ genuine ill- health.
so i am the the proverbial tomato inthe sandwich, (J the wilting lettuce probably!)- we have made a pact- he deals with my set, i with his- less emotionally debilitating. while we juggle prof respon, highly stresseful at the best of times, comic relief is provide by by my fil who goes ard much like the sphinx, leaving u 2 guess ( out guess?) him at each turn ( which bhaji will meet with his approval, which will b tossed aside?), mu mil who makes ump appointments with orthos in pune ( its a monthly obsess and pilgrimage) but chickens out b4 the op ( 4 knee/hip replace), my father who has just made 3 trips 2 pune in the last 10 days without informing any 1 where he is going, landing up, hot, dusty and hungry on ashus doorstep, and my mom who insists each morn that she cannot get up from bed ( unless its sundaywhen she merrily prances off to an all day bridge session or its the light show at ishanya). if this were not entertainment enuff, my pop has just withdrawn a huge sum from the bank, its gone and now he threatens the staff there with charges of forgery( they have taken 2 hiding under their desks when they spy him on the horizon)!
i find myself in august company though- " children begin by loving thrie parents, after a time they judge them, rarely, if ever do they forgive them"- oscar wilde. i know i am not an ideal parent( is there 1?) but i think there is a lesson here 4 all of us. we tend 2 treat our children like crutches and place a premium on they being there 4 us in our dotage ( why is it called this? hardly any1 doting on u at this time!) but our gen should learn 2 let go, allowing them 2 lead their lives free and untramelled.this holds gud 4 parents of boys 2 ( who r now facing the daunting prospect of theit old-age lathis turning into kathis!).
as 4 me , i am coming up with a wicked, wicked paln- am going 2 persuade my parents 2 shift into my house ( g's bedroom is vacant) and am going 2 search 4 a tiny- tiny flat 4 me where J and i will live merrily during the weekend-delicious thought- after 25 yrs will have him 2 myself 24/2. the parents can meanwhile exchange notes on ailments, aches and neuroses and in general do as they please. and yes that bawling u hear is me seeing G off at the airport when she goes off 2 diff climes .
note- the author does not take res for any claims of shock, hurt or heart attacks brought on after reading this blasphemous piece. ditto for any wounded feelings that arise from the goodness of their hearts which r more magnamious than hers. statutory warning - to b taken with a lot of salt
and let me welcome all new additions- a sure sight 4 sore eyes- nivedita. have asked ashu 2 log on as she keeps compl that only my contemps r on the blog- wake up batch of ashu and nivedita- pretty girls sighted on the horizon.