well a lot of us have read this mail but it's in woofese and meowese- only intelligible 2 people who own pets. as for goldy, my own rare and highly pedigreed stray ( came with an invisible medal in patience, understanding and sweet forbearance), i only think we were straying on the road if life till she appeared and firmly led us down the lane of love
Dear Dogs and Cats
> The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
> contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
> food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food
> does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish,
> nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
>
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
> racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object.
> Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you
> can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am
> very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping
> on the couch to ensure your comfort. However, dogs and
> cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is
> not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other,
> stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know
> that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging
> out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but
> sarcasm.
>
>
> For the last time, there is no secret exit from the
> bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and
> manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw,
> whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the
> edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the
> same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom
> for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
>
>
> The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go
> smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this
> enough.
>
> Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the
> following message on the front door:
>
>
> TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS :
>
>
> (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't
> want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
> That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. (3) I like
> my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you,
> they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who
> are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak
> clearly.
>
>
> Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
> (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3)
> are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5)
> never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with
> drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8)
> don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to
> buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion
> dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell
> their children ...
>